Wedding Planners

Last night, I was humbled. By the same man that deleted his sound card. By the same man that fails miserably at lying even to himself.

Last night, I was worried. See, I had laid down troubled: I really felt like I was doing most of the chores, and Erich was enjoying the benefits of messing up the house again. I felt frustrated, because I didn't know how to tell him that. I wasn't sure he'd understand how I felt. I thought all day about how to tell him-and laying down for snuggle time, it came tumbling out. I was soon talking myself into a stupor, just revealing the stress I was going through with setting up the wedding and trying to impress his mom, and cleaning the house, and cancer, and dealing with my son: It was all very much for me to deal with. He was very quite and rubbed my back and held me close to him the entire time, lovingly telling me he totally understood. Just as I was on the brink of sleep, he kissed me gently on the forehead, and whispered he had to use the restroom. As he was getting up, he grabbed his shorts, and I asked him what he was doing.

"Getting my wallet."

I knew he wasn't going anywhere, so I became a little more alert. Why did he need his wallet for the bathroom? A flashback hit of how I was worried Steve was cheating on me: A scenario immediately began to form in my head. But I laid there, my whole body suddenly alert and my whole body tense. He slipped out of the bathroom not even 10 seconds later, fully dressed. Then he turned on the light in the living room. I still lay there, thinking maybe he wasn't tired, when I realised he had complained he was exhausted and wanted to lay down. So I sat, thinking a little more to myself.

Then the front door opened and closed.

I immediately sat up in bed. Where was he going this time of night, and WHY?

I snuck through the room, and went to the window. All I heard was him talking to himself. I realised his phone was in his shorts, and worried immediately that he was calling.

The scenario I was pulling together was this: Erich was tired of me complaining, and went outside to talk to his mistress. Yeah. Stupid, but being cheated on in almost every other relationship has given my imagination fertile ground.

I sat on the bed in the guest room, which is next to the front door, and waited. He came in, headphones on, and saw me, and smiled all big. "Hey baby, what happened?"

I was too furious to think. I didn't speak. I just asked him what he was doing outside.

"Singing along with music...."(seeing my face, he hurriedly went on)"I was getting some music on so I could clean. I was going to surprise you."

At first I couldn't comprehend it. What? He was exhausted, and because I had told him all my burdens, he was going to stay up the entire night and clean, to surprise me?

Needless to say, it got figured out, and I felt severely humbled. Severely.

I love Erich. He is my life. And I need to remember that he isn't my past experiences.

-Stephanie