Wedding Planners

It's hard to have simple pleasures when you're at the end of your work day. Your case load doubles because most other shifts leave, no free time, but the little bit of time in between cases drags on forever. It's a catch-22, if you will.

As we have a client in tow today, we were all mandated to dress up nicely, look sharp, and keep our desks clean. I feel sorry for the person who cleaned my desk. I guess I'm kind of a cluttery sort of person. I hate to have complete order, because it always makes me more confused than clutter. With clutter, at least I can figure out where I last put something. With order, I know it's in a place where all papers go, but not quite sure where in the stack I put said papers. It gets really frustrating.

I felt naked when I came in and my stuff was in a box, under my desk. My environment was stripped clean, my view....still obstructed. if you're gonna clean the place up, for heavens sakes, more the stupid beams. Ugh. I also found it bitterly ironic that the break room had a face lift for the new clients-the previously dark brown floor was now shining white. The microwaves were spiffed up, some replaced. The refrigerator was unspeakably clean, food thrown out, shelves whiped down.

Erich, as usual, takes great care of me. I still can't believe I tried to let him go. And by tried, I mean REALLY told him I didn't want to be with him, and he needed to go away. I regret it, more than anything. I wish I could go back, forget everything Gabe told me down in Oregon, and followed what my heart had told me. It would have made the transition process a lot easier. As it is, it breaks me wide open each time I remember the heart in his eyes, the misery in his very stance. Every night, I sigh a little, kick myself a little, remembering how I caused the man I love a great deal of hurt.

The greatest romance novels always happen as a means of lack-of-communication. it's always "I want him to tell me he loves me first" or "She probably wont like it if I tell her to marry me." Stupid stuff, right? Yet people make a killing of promoting this rediculous image of "If I keep my thoughts to myself, he'll eventually figure it out, OR we'll get into a heated argument, it'll all come out, and he'll make love to me!" A huge misconstrument to how a relationship really works. If there is no communication, you drift apart, like cold iceburgs...passing in the night. Soon she's beginning to wonder what it would be like to be with another man who understands her-he begins thinking about how a woman could finally open up to him-it's rediculous. If we just opened up, and remained open minded about the situation, relationships would soar to new heights, and divorce rates would plummate. it would also help that relationships centered around money. Yeah.

I suppose my secret is grace. Don't sweat the small things, and be prepared ot forgive on the bigger things. It's how we make it with family. You accept your snooty older sister as she is because you know her for that. You accept she'll snap at you when you make fun of her boob size, and you'll accept that she'll go through wierd fazes where she wont talk to you in favor of mooning over the latest teen magazine. You accept her and love her because you have to. She's your sister. Since when did we stop taking that view with our spouse? I suppose adultery can be a real damper on things-I wont even brush on that-it's a tender, and very personal decision to decide whether to go on or not. Ugh. But that aside. We divorce for all sorts of reasons.

Okay. That's pretty much all for me-Oooh. Except one other thing I want to vent about. My job has requested that I go off a certain set of documents to advise my clients about anything. A memo that came out to me this morning said "Even if the information is wrong, it is mandatory you give this to customers." So, legally, the company I work for is saying purposely give customers wrong information. I think that's...illegal in someway. I pushed back, saying I had taken an oath to provide excellent service to my customers, and I refused to give them wrong information. If they fire me, I would LOVE to see what the unemployment office would say. "Um, yeah, I got fired for refusing to give my customers wrong information."

Interesting thoughts. 20 minutes to go. I'm loving it!

Stephanie